General Grease's Fried Geeses

General Grease sold fried geese.
Millions and billions of geese!
You can get a ten-piece geese feast
for only $5.00, or fifty cents a piece
for a limited time, only at General Grease’s Fried Geeses.

General Grease didn’t always sell geese.
He once sold chicken, fresh from the pickin’.
Every chicken he ever saw,
with hot gravy and cold coleslaw,
from Alaska to Arkansas.
Great big chickens!
Chickens that were small.
Millions and billions of chickens,
until one day, he sold them all.

But rather than going broke,
he decided to round up every loose goose he could gather.
And he sold geese fresh from the pickin’, instead.
And people were happy, and ate what they were fed.

General Grease made millions of trillions
selling fried geese to billions!
Everyone knows you can get fried geese,
fresh from the pickin’, that taste even better than chicken,
sold by General Grease, by the whole, or by the piece.

 

But one day, while at a shop in Nantucket,
the fried geese king choked on a greasy leg bone
and kicked the fried greasy goose bucket.
And there was no more crispy ten-pieces
at any General Grease’s Fried Geeses.
There was no hot gravy. No cold coleslaw.
Not in Alaska. Not in Arkansas.
None, at all.

 

General Grease went to Heaven
and the pearly gates had a golden chicken on top.
So happily, Grease thought, Heaven must be a fried chicken shop!
But as soon as he met an angel
he knew that something wasn’t right.
The angel had a beak and feathers that were white.
General Grease was fresh from the pickin’
and stood before God, one ANGRY giant chicken!

 

But God said to him, “Behold, General Grease!”
And General Grease beheld.
Then God said, “To show you that I am nice,
I shall let even you live twice.
But you must never, ever, sell another fried goose.
That is our truce.”

 

And they shook on it to seal their deal.
There’d be no more geese in a greasy geese value meal deal.
No more goose gravy, no more fried geese, whole or by the piece,
sold ever again by General Grease.  
And just like that, Grease was back in Nantucket,
fresh from kicking the fried goose bucket.
And he spat out that greasy goose leg bone
and made the call.
To Alaska. To Hackensack. To Arkansas.
There will be no more fried geese at General Grease’s Fried Geeses.
“No! I said none, at all!”

 
But then General Grease remembered that God only said
no more “fried” geese.
It was even in the fine print
of the follow-up contract that God had sent.
So cleverly, General Grease switched to baked goose –
but God blew up the oven.
And God gave Grease’s gooey chocolate fried goose cake
no chocolate fried goose lovin’.
And God destroyed General Grease’s
“Our bucket you pluck it” goose factory in Hoboken and Pawtucket.

 

But then it came to the greedy old general just like that.
General Grease’s Greasy Fried Cat!
And it tasted better than chicken, and it tasted better than goose,
so he caught every stray cat he could catch.
Every cat on the loose.
And General Grease made millions of trillions
selling fried cat to billions.
You can get a ten-piece feline feast for only $5.00, or fifty cents a piece
for a limited time, only at General Grease’s Fried Cat.
Cats that were small. Cats that were obese.

 
He was so bad and greedy, he even turned on the needy,
and his own faithful cat, Huck –
who he caught and sent to be plucked, fried, and sold for a measly buck.
He even sold all the spare cats he kept hidden under his flat hat.
And no one was happy, except for the Fraternal Order of Rats –
who would no longer be eaten by cats.  

But one day, while at a shop in Nantucket,
the fried cat king choked on a cat bone
and kicked the greasy fried cat bucket.
But this time there was no golden chicken atop a pearly gate.
General Grease met a far, far different fate.
Hell was a greasy, fiery fryer, a terrible icky awful place
full of flames and bones and food without any taste.
The Devil, you see, was no kind and forgiving chicken,
and on a throne of skulls and bones he sat.
General Grease met the Devil,
one abnormally angry and very, very vengeful cat.