White Rabbit Chapter 43

43.

Present Day…

            Delores lied in the hospital bed floating in and out of consciousness. Her mother brought her the journal she asked for entitled, White Rabbit. A crude white blob with ears in messy white crayon etched on the front with a blood-red background. Delores opened her eyes. She had just said the word and was back in real time, real life. Two agents stood outside of the door. They were waiting for her mother. “What does she remember?” The lean tall one asked directly. He had mean eyes that looked like they could shoot laser beams.

            “I don’t know. I still can’t believe that she was raped,” her mother began to cry again. They blamed it on Claude Van Wert.

            One agent looked at the other awkwardly. They were trained not to give such looks but Harris was new and still had the impediment of a half-alive conscience. 

            Alvarez, the tall one with the laser beam eyes, replied, “Sadly it happens. There are monsters out there. Van Wert was one of the worst. A true sociopath. At least he is dead and won’t be hurting anyone else.”

            Delores woke up and knocked over the vase of white orchids. Glass shattered and water carried the shards across the floor in a pattern that looked like a map of the Unites States. No one would notice. Her mother ran in and the agents disappeared. Delores walked over the broken glass in bare feet on her way out of the door. Her friend Eric was walking up the hall with a fist full of sad tulips. Delores was frantic and began running, her feet bled and an IV tube hung from her arm. “I have to go back!” she screamed. Nurses tried to subdue her but with no luck. Eric stood there frozen. Are all American girls this fucked up, he wondered privately.

            Yes, Eric.

            “You fucking asshole!” she screamed at him as she passed.

            “I’m sorry, Delores,” he apologized in broken English. He loved her but she didn’t love him.  It was Eric that told Delores’ mother that she was pregnant. She confided in him because she thought that he had no plans to stick his penis in her. He had detailed plans indeed, albeit, noble plans. He wanted to someday marry her, or so he thought. Delores didn’t remember how she became pregnant. It was the FBI that told her mother that she was raped. They suspected she was pregnant. The agent on the train told them she was likely a few months along. Somewhere in the conversation between God, Hell and Project Mind Eraser, Delores confessed that she had missed a few periods. Good news travels fast. Webs with glowing spiders entrap the best insects. Delores’ felt dead. She didn’t know how she got there but knew she was pregnant. Now she knew she had an abortion.

            “Help me get back!” Delores screamed at Eric slowing down for his answer. He had a car, she remembered. An MG. She could go to the museum and talk to the whale, or back to the Fleet Finch.

            “I can’t!” he said pathetically. He knew about the Underworld and he believed her. He would believe anything she said.

            She gave him an angry look and ran away to the elevator that was opening as she approached. A large woman and a flock of children spilled out. The elevator was too slow. Being pursued by staff she found the stairwell and blasted through the door that warned a security alarm would go off if it were violated. No alarm. Her legs were weak but she headed for the next floor with mad determination. When they began to fail her she ran on all fours not realizing how fast she ran. No one saw her head in to the stairwell so she bought herself a few moments. They got to the elevator as it was closing and thought she was in there. Delores made it to the roof ten stories up and looked down. Cars entered and exited the parking lot, their head and taillights glowing brightly. Tears in her eyes made her vision crystal clear. Her nose smelled scents she had never smelled before. She stood on the ledge. Her bleeding feet scooted closer to a decision. Her toes curled over the edge. A wind almost chose for her and she held her arms out, palms up meditatively.

            “Delores!” her mother shrieked. Her and four nurses burst out of the doorway like gangbusters hoping to intercept her. It was dark but for the street and car lights below and a full smiling moon. Howard, the moon… She smiled at him and he smiled back and winked. The wink was an indication to her that this was a portal. She had faith. Her thin gown flowed in a breeze. Everything that they said behind her was white noise.  She rubbed her pendant wondering who had given it to her.

            And with no time to think, or to grieve her lost child, she fell.